Never To Have Loved At All.

First off, the New Hampshire Primary did not at all go as I expected, but I am by no means overly excited; Super Tuesday is where the fun is. The post topic of unrequited love was requested by a reader, and I am happy to oblige. Also, any comments requesting a post topic, or discussion of particular material is welcome and appreciated. Posts of such intimate magnitude will not be common, mostly because I don't want to come off as the useless dejected whining blogger. Either way, here's what I have.

I'm no stranger to unrequited love. In fact, we often vacation together. Unrequited is never really invited, but comes along without my consent, always as a coerced product of adventure. The fact is though, you never really get used to its John Candyish presence. The only advice I really have is to forever accept that any time you ask someone to join you on the ride, there's a chance [higher for some of us than others] that Unrequited is going to call shotgun.

The trouble of course really comes to those among us who fall under the category of Hopeless Romantics; people who idealize love, and idealize people, and attach so profoundly to the person that they are interested in, despite the fact that the spiteful steamroller of lovefate rolls them flat one more time. But, hopeless as we are, we cartoonishly reinflate ourselves with compressed air from the roadside, and head back after the Roadrunner. or perhaps a different Roadrunner, knowing the whole time that the end result will likely be the same, and we still keep trying to catch that damned bird. Of course, the worst part is that the whole time, we still love the person, and still convince ourselves it's worth fighting for, and best of all, still think that we are the only person on earth who can make them happy. We live every day in Zach Braff melodrama and romantic comedy anticipation. And the better ones among us will often keep quiet about the whole thing, valuing the other person's happiness over our own, preferring they never know what they mean to us, as after all, they're just happier this way. Unrequited love is the purest love there is. The most amazing part of the whole thing is how those with the emotional sensitivity necessary to be such romantics also enjoy books, music, and movies revolving around the principle that the true, honest, unrequited lover wins out in the end, and everyone is happy after the 100-minute circlejerk of rainbows kisses in the rain. The people susceptible to the heartbreak of one-way admiration consistently reinforce themselves with images and ideas and concepts that their true love will always unflinchingly prevail.

Some of us realize it's not true, and move on. Some realize it's not true and break down. Some stay in the dream world.

And I know this whole entry took a bitter and jaded turn, and I'm sorry, but even so, it's only fair you know that I still do believe in love, and still break myself up over it. I still listen to Ben Gibbard and watch Garden State and drift off in little saccharine girl-specific fantasy episodes, complete with picket fences and joyous lives together.

As I close now I see no concise point in this whole rant, other than to identify with any readers that may be hurting right now, or whenever they read this, or even those who are happy at this moment and need something to relate to later when their love life takes a bad turn. Therefore, in solidarity with all my lovesick comrades, I hereby publish a summary of the history of my love life, for whatever cathartic value it's worth.

>I've pined over 36 individual girls with significant attention.
>I never did anything about 30 of them, too afraid to act, or just not having the chance.
>I've confessed my feelings to 5 of them; they were all uninterested. I politely withdrew my efforts.
>Except for one girl, who I asked out twice. A firm "no" both times.
>One sweet girl was interested in me for reasons I still don't and never will understand, it lasted for 3 uneventful weeks, and then it was over, no hard feelings.
>Overall, I'm batting... well, zero.

I'm not complaining. I've dealt with it, and it's all taken care of. But for those feeling down about their romantic escapades, look back on this list, laugh if you want to, because it's actually all quite funny, for whatever it's worth.