I Fucking Hate Dane Cook.

It's true.

And I am fully aware that every 1 in 3 people age 15-28, in solidarity with all their fucking su-fi family, will be mailing a series of explosives wrapped with stolen paper and filled with ridiculous fucking onstage seizures trying to convince me that I am wrong. But, despite the fact that I find his fans almost as annoying, I don't date them, they're just asleep, under the sway of an unkempt pseudo-man clothed in chic mallrat hollister knockoff surfing T-shirts. [Side note: To every Hollister/American eagle/etc surf/beach/etc clothing fans born/living in any areas more than 500 miles from an ocean, fuck the fuck off. If the city you live in dips lower than 50 degrees in winter, and you're wearing a shirt about some kind of fucking tiki bash, you're going to hell. You're not from the fucking beach, you can't surf, and I don't care how fucking cool the OC is, you're from the midwest, and everybody fucking knows it. Die in shitty overpriced ubermerchandise-fueled fire, and take you're shitty pop culture icons with you.]

Dane Cook is a no-talent hack. And I know, he's crazy popular and successful, but guess the fuck what? I could be successful and popular too if I stole other comedian's material and acted like a tool. Thin I'm wrong? Do a bit of research, Cook is a useless, silly motherfucker. I'd suggest starting with wikipedia, or, hell, a fucking google search. That's all that really needs to be said.

If you're a fan, and wish to graduate to legitimate comedy, I'd suggest Daniel Tosh for the same kind of comedy, or if you'd like even more than the small box that Cook has built for you, try Mitch Hedberg, Jim Gaffigan, Bill Hicks, Patton Oswalt, or, for that matter, damn near anybody else, minus a few exceptions.