God Damn It, You're The Problem.

There's an old saying that "There's a sucker born every minute". I submit that there's an asshole born every two.

I am continuously disgusted with the entitlement, gall, and overall douchebaggery that common people seem to have these days. This is not some dejected register jockey's whine. This is not some Nietzschean attempt at elitism. This is me, a somewhat normal, overall nice person telling every pompous dickwad consumer to sit the fuck down.

Guess the fuck what? You are not that fucking important.

The American economy seems to be based on the principle that the consumer is some sort of Pharaoh, a god-king whose authority cannot be questioned, as the lifeblood of our world.

Fuck that.

You are convinced that you can define yourself by buying shit you don't need. You are so vacuous and wasted that you need things make yourself feel better. When you go shopping, you work with clerks who are just as human as you. Just as scared, just as weak, just like you, but that doesn't matter, because you want your burrito, and you want it now. It doesn't matter that there are people in line ahead of you, and it surely doesn't matter that the cooks and servers are working as hard as they can, and for that matter, probably much harder than you do at your job. I realize that's a big assumption on my part, but if you did work as hard as they did, you'd have more compassion you miserable piece of shit.

But as Kenny Corporate learned at the Schaumburg Qdoba today, I won't put up with your shit anymore.

First of all, you were in line less than 15 seconds before it got to you. I would know, I walked in right behind you. If you're that impatient, you should have your legs broken. Maybe a month of elevators and steep ramps will teach you to slow the fuck down.

It's twelve-thirty in a popular restaurant across from Woodfield. You should have known it would be busy.

But really, you don't need me repeating this. I think I summed it up pretty well when I tapped you on the shoulder and said, as politely as possible, "It's not their fault you're in a hurry. They are doing the best they can, and you're coming off like an idiot."

But you didn't really want to hear that, did you? You "Are paying way too much money for this fucking food as it is, those lazy Mex...Hisp...lazy teenagers aren't working hard enough".

As an excellent teacher once said: "I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking, and that is if you ask for it, I have to let you have it". This guy has lost all of his rights to a fair fight, so I go right ahead and dig in.

"Well clearly you know what you're talking about when it comes to labor, and I suppose I understand your financial concerns, when you pulled up in that Lexus, I should have known you're just doing what you can to make ends meet. But with your Roosevelt University window sticker, I guess I just assumed you'd be able to notice that this is the busiest time of the day for them, or, for that matter, that there are other people waiting in line in the exact same boat as you. You're no better than any of us, you arrogant waste of time. So, considering you are now at the front of the line, and your ever important burrito is already being made, maybe you could shut the hell up and let these people work."

He didn't say anything else. To anyone. Just threw some cash at the clerk and walked away at a decent clip. Everyone watched him leave. I got a free drink.

People like him make the world worse for all of us. Stop taking yourself so goddamn seriously, and try to consider that everyone has their own shit to deal with, they don't need any more from you.

And to those of us that are kind, patient, goodly folk, you don't have to put up with this. Most of the time these people just act like this because they think they have the right. Call them on it. Fix the problem. It might not be your business, but the employees can't fight back, so if you don't, who will? If the agitator doesn't want to accept your polite advice, if they remain convinced that they are better than the worker, or even better than you, put them in their place and tell them to fuck off.