Slash and Burn

I've changed considerably since I last post. If you wish to follow a new chapter, with all new bullshit philosophy, head to http://nonparticularity.blogspot.com/ . I can't promise regular posts, or anything else really, but I needed a fresh start if I was going to write anything, and I think the new stuff might be worth your time.

The Best We Can Do.

It is commonly said that an artist creates a perfect world.

I would like to be a real writer for the same reason. I've always wanted to do something major and positive for the world, and I've recently realized that I can do that as a professional creator.

I raised myself. My parents never really had any input into my development in any significant personal ways, despite their presence. I instead became who I am today because of superheroes. I have constructed my own worldview, my own specific definitions of right, wrong, good, evil, and existence in general from my own difficult exploration through literature and other media. Every bit of goodness I have, all of my dreams, the entirety of my hope and strength come from video games, comic books, movies, and books. I literally owe the Legend of Zelda, Batman, and The Matrix my life.

That said, if we accept the hypothesis that as a writer, I create and tell the story of a perfect world, that means I can lift people's souls, and perhaps change them for the better in the same way so many blessed artists have changed me.

Keeping in mind that I could think of nothing better for myself than to write professionally, I am about to spoil every single story I would ever write for you, because this entry is not about my career. It is about my Utopia.

In my perfect world, things are just as shitty. The difference [if the real world is in fact so different] is that everything exists for everything else. We, as people, are here to make life easier for every other person. Bad things still happen, that's just the way it works. But people start to recognize that if we try to make life better for the suffering, we all end up happier, stronger, wiser, greater, and above all, holier than we were before.

Do whatever makes you feel like you deserve to exist, and honor your character, but don't make life harder for anyone else.

We can all be happy.

This is why I worship the hero archetype so fervently. The "superhero", to me, is any person that decides to use every part of themselves, both the good and the bad, to help the world. Everything you ever see me write will follow this theme. I have never believed anything as profoundly as I believe in this collectivist principle.

So I may have ruined the trip for you. But I can promise that anything I write will find some unique way to say this simple thing. Because this theme is universal, and it touches everything.

I hope I can embolden people with my work in the same way I have experienced.

God Damn It, You're The Problem.

There's an old saying that "There's a sucker born every minute". I submit that there's an asshole born every two.

I am continuously disgusted with the entitlement, gall, and overall douchebaggery that common people seem to have these days. This is not some dejected register jockey's whine. This is not some Nietzschean attempt at elitism. This is me, a somewhat normal, overall nice person telling every pompous dickwad consumer to sit the fuck down.

Guess the fuck what? You are not that fucking important.

The American economy seems to be based on the principle that the consumer is some sort of Pharaoh, a god-king whose authority cannot be questioned, as the lifeblood of our world.

Fuck that.

You are convinced that you can define yourself by buying shit you don't need. You are so vacuous and wasted that you need things make yourself feel better. When you go shopping, you work with clerks who are just as human as you. Just as scared, just as weak, just like you, but that doesn't matter, because you want your burrito, and you want it now. It doesn't matter that there are people in line ahead of you, and it surely doesn't matter that the cooks and servers are working as hard as they can, and for that matter, probably much harder than you do at your job. I realize that's a big assumption on my part, but if you did work as hard as they did, you'd have more compassion you miserable piece of shit.

But as Kenny Corporate learned at the Schaumburg Qdoba today, I won't put up with your shit anymore.

First of all, you were in line less than 15 seconds before it got to you. I would know, I walked in right behind you. If you're that impatient, you should have your legs broken. Maybe a month of elevators and steep ramps will teach you to slow the fuck down.

It's twelve-thirty in a popular restaurant across from Woodfield. You should have known it would be busy.

But really, you don't need me repeating this. I think I summed it up pretty well when I tapped you on the shoulder and said, as politely as possible, "It's not their fault you're in a hurry. They are doing the best they can, and you're coming off like an idiot."

But you didn't really want to hear that, did you? You "Are paying way too much money for this fucking food as it is, those lazy Mex...Hisp...lazy teenagers aren't working hard enough".

As an excellent teacher once said: "I have a policy about honesty and ass-kicking, and that is if you ask for it, I have to let you have it". This guy has lost all of his rights to a fair fight, so I go right ahead and dig in.

"Well clearly you know what you're talking about when it comes to labor, and I suppose I understand your financial concerns, when you pulled up in that Lexus, I should have known you're just doing what you can to make ends meet. But with your Roosevelt University window sticker, I guess I just assumed you'd be able to notice that this is the busiest time of the day for them, or, for that matter, that there are other people waiting in line in the exact same boat as you. You're no better than any of us, you arrogant waste of time. So, considering you are now at the front of the line, and your ever important burrito is already being made, maybe you could shut the hell up and let these people work."

He didn't say anything else. To anyone. Just threw some cash at the clerk and walked away at a decent clip. Everyone watched him leave. I got a free drink.

People like him make the world worse for all of us. Stop taking yourself so goddamn seriously, and try to consider that everyone has their own shit to deal with, they don't need any more from you.

And to those of us that are kind, patient, goodly folk, you don't have to put up with this. Most of the time these people just act like this because they think they have the right. Call them on it. Fix the problem. It might not be your business, but the employees can't fight back, so if you don't, who will? If the agitator doesn't want to accept your polite advice, if they remain convinced that they are better than the worker, or even better than you, put them in their place and tell them to fuck off.

It's Been Too Long.

Much has changed, and much has not. I'll try to post more. I'm quitting school after this semester. I just can't take Harper anymore. It will at elast give me time to start getting some writing done. I'm going to go ahead and pledge a weekly post. I have no idea what the hell I will say. I'll say it anyway.

Hell on the horizon
This should be interesting.

God is a Concept.

Fairy tales are importants explorations of imagination and morality for children. Religion is a fairy tale for adults. It doesnt matter if it's possible. That's not the point. Religion is a combination of wonderful inspiration and moral caution for adults. It should be treated as such.

Why I Don't Give a Shit.

Because ultimately, giving a shit about oneself only causes undue suffering. I really don't give a damn about what happens anymore, and this will sound bleak and nihilistic, but its because all paths lead to the grave. And I'm not tyring to be melancholy, I actually like that idea. Life is messy difficult and most of the time, filled with pain. Death, by contrast might be the easiest thing in the world. I'm not going to kill myself, and it's not like I'm really looking forward to the end. I'm ready for it though, because really, living is a crapshoot and I'm not much of a gambler. But that's all right. Making peace with existence is salvation. So really, the only thing I believe in is the "fuck it" principle. Something isn't going right? Fuck it, it'll be gone in a while. I find it immensely comforting. So when I wake up tomorrow, I'm going to be the same Tom, I'll still do everything the same, and I'll still get angry with the government, and I'll still think that socialism is cool, and I'll still want to save the world. The difference is now, when things don't go as planned, that's ok.

I didn't give a shit in the first place.

A New Dawn.

Semiregular blog entries will begin again as of 12:00 p.m. of Tuesday, January 29.

Upcoming topic: Why I don't give a shit.

Transference.

Further entries will be postponed until I sort a few things out. Check back on Friday.

I find it incomparably amazing how life/fate/karma/god/luck/chaos so consistently vex me, lift my spirits, then sink them again. Originally I surmised it was some sort of bipolar disorder, but that didn't make sense, because concrete events in my life were causing these reactions, not drifting disaffected dreaming, chemical imbalances slowly driving me mad.

A number of these such specific events have occurred, and since the real purpose of this blog is not to narrate my inane personal life, but rather and exploration of the larger concepts behind life, I will keep this entry on a strictly conceptual level, with no specific enumerated references.

Every single time I become hopeful about something, especially something that would be good for me, or even good for others, some sort of insurmountable roadblock is cast in front of me, despite the situation. Love, career, dreams, everything I truly want I am denied, and in turn I am flooded with everything I don't need. I regress and protest, this cannot be real, coincidental, someone, something is teasing me, something wants me unhappy, something is doing this on purpose, and will stop soon. I suppose this could actually be true, but I just don't believe it anymore. The fact is, my problems are probably an emulsion of blind chance and bad decisions.

But chance is rarely this persistent, and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. But when the score is counted, it really doesn't matter where all of this came from.

So.

I'm beaten, and I'm not sure if I want to bother getting back up. I really don't think I have the energy left.

Madness is a blessing
Reality is the curse
Deny coherence.

Outsourcing My Waterboarding.

The majority of tonight's post is in fact authored by my good friend Scott Arakawa. The final paragraph will be my humble afterword.

On Waterboarding:

Now, this is not a wholesome activity one does on the family's annual lake outing. I heard about waterboarding here and there over the past year, but only decided to give it a thorough googling today. Apparently, it's all the rage in the CIA, who are licensed to use it, and many branches of the military, who aren't. I had a basic idea of what it was and thought it did sound like torture, but finally seeing it sure was a nasty sight. Although, I have to admit, I did enjoy watching the Fox News Correspondent getting nearly drowned. His response to the torture was interesting. He seemed to admire it more than condemn it. He respected, to paraphrase, how quickly one could rebound from a complete breakout to normalcy in such a short amount of time, in awe about how clever we are for using it. Granted, it is a brilliant technique, in that it can be controlled very precisely and does not put the suspect in too great of danger (when administered properly). However, undergoing the process, for not more than five seconds, and going on and on about how "great" it is seems irresponsible. There was no debate or even an exchange of ideas over how ethical/effective this form of interrogation is. The piece was only a story about how the reporter got waterborded. It seemed to serve only to prove the method's effectiveness.

The Wikipedia article is a pretty grim read. Our approved method seems tame compared to the Spanish Inquisition, the Nazis, Soviets, and Imperial Japan. In addition to the gag reflex going off, the feeling of dying and drowning, there are beatings, sometimes to engorged stomachs due to the amount of water forced into the victim. And some of the photos on Google image search are pretty rough as well.

Despite having seen these mounds of horrific images and descriptions, I flirted with the idea of trying it on myself. I also quickly abandoned the idea upon learning, not only, that CIA agents can only take up to 14 seconds of the stuff, but the most hardened terrorist holds a record of sorts by lasting no more than two minutes before begging to confess. Some experts believe nothing came of those confessions, but still, getting a man to say, "do it to Julia!" in under five minutes is pretty impressive.

I think the first few drops would do it for me. The rag wouldn't even have to be more than damp. Now I really feel guilty about using this method to get my little brother to do my laundry.

As a note: I drew a quick ms paint sketch of what waterboarding looks like, to lighten the mood and to illustrate the process.

At the time of posting, I am consumed with anger and cynicism from a number of sources. This puts me over the top. How can anyone ever think that such horrible actions are ever justified? I no longer have any faith in America, and my faith in humanity is meager, and nearly eroded.

What It Is.

Next thursday will be the requested post on Jesus. Tomorrow will be my collaborative effort with Scott on Waterboarding, and other forms of institutional torture. I'm hereby discontinuing media sunday , although there will likely be many media posts dispersed throughout the week.

Tonight, I'm going to tell you about God.

I'm of the opinion that all religions are all basically the same thing, with geographic culture flavoring each one. Every religion is based on one principle: Don't take yourself too seriously. You're really not very important. Every religion coalescles into describing evil as the intentional harming of others, especially for selfish ends. For that reason, I say the following in a largely secular manner, and I feel this applies to all religious practice.

>God, in some ultimately nameless form, exists. "God" is simply the name Judaeo-Christian societies assign to it, but no name can truly describe it.
>God is the ultimate expression of existence, and represents the innate divinity of being.
>Heaven and Hell exist.
>Heaven is the joining of your soul back to the original, innate divinity.
>We live in Hell. There is no fire and brimstone, just a planet where we are separated from God, where our existence is marked mostly by pain, where we can do harm to one another, where evil is man's doing.
>Understanding the innate divinity of your existence, and the subsequent release of ego and self centeredness that comes with it, is called Nirvana.
>Nirvana frees you from the shackles of earthly reality, and you may live the rest of your life, in peace. When we die, our energy we recirculate back into the earth, as we fertilize grass and plants and thus feed animals, even in death, we are forever present in life. Nirvana rejoins our souls with that innate divinity of being, the lifeforce of all things, that which I have before referred to as God.
>Death is not a step in the spiritual process. Everyone rejoins the lifeforce upon death; those who find Nirvana in life simply join that divine existence earlier, and get to experience life through God's eyes.
>God is not around.
>God does not answer your prayers.
>God does not care about you.
>God did not make humans, with all their cunning and potential, for them to run back for crutches and candy and other such nonsense.
>God is not Omniscient, or Omnipotent, or, hell, even paying attention. He has no eyes or mouth, he does not run our world. God is just a ball of being, the expressed totality of existence.
>Each person experiences just a small slice of reality. God is the whole pie.
>We are here to be human, and nothing else.
>Religion is a personal evolutionary tool, and it should therefore expand for the individual when necessary, and be discarded when it is no longer useful for the individual.
>Religion is, ultimately, the clothing we put on reality. As each one of us differs in taste for style, naturally, religion is unique to each person.
>In the long run, it really doesn't matter what you believe; no religion saves from earthly death, even though the main religious comfort is to do just that.
>Relax. Despite how poor or rich your life has been, we are all equal in death. Enjoy what you can while you're here, and do your best to ease the undue suffering of others. There is no higher purpose.

Peace be with you all.